Processing Grief as a Highly Sensitive Person
Two years ago, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer. This was actually her fourth life-threatening diagnosis in her life, but she’d always beaten the odds before. She is deeply spiritual, immensely positive, and has a team of angels working on her side. But this time, something in me knew this was different.
My aunt was the embodiment of an angel on earth. She glowed with good energy, unconditional love, and a deep spiritual connection. She introduced me to astrology, energy work, mediums, auras, and more. I spent every weekend at her house through my entire childhood and high school. Looking back, she is one of the only people in my life who I felt 100% unconditional love from. She was my biggest cheerleader, supporter, and believer. I am beyond blessed to have had her in my life and to have been almost like her daughter. She is the #1 reason that I have pursued a life of wellness & helping others.
Over the past couple months, her health had been declining and I made her promise to call me if things got bad so I could fly home immediately. on June 23, I got that call and I was home within 12 hours.
I think most people expected me to be devastated by the news. I thought I would be too - which is why I started mentally preparing for this two years ago, when she got the diagnosis. By the time her health was actually failing, I was mostly at peace with what was happening.
I was able to spend 4 days with her, helping to care for her in home hospice. She was lucid, and funny, and tough as hell. I got to fill her in on my life, and show her my to-be engagement ring, and make her laugh. Most importantly, I got to say goodbye. She passed on 6 days after I got that call.
There are a few things that have made this event easier for me. One is that I have a rich spiritual life, and I fully believe that my aunt is now with me even after her passing. I can feel her near me, I know she is guiding me, and I know I now have another angel watching out for me. Another is that I know she wasn’t afraid of death - she actually died and came back to life when she was 9, and so she knew where she was going and how beautiful it would be. She had absolutely no fear or regrets about her death. Finally, I am deeply grateful that she didn’t have to suffer anymore. She’s been in pain for years due to her health issues, and being in hospice in her final days was as comfortable as possible, but still unpleasant. My greatest wish was that she be taken care of and that the outcome was what was best for her, not best for us.
The sadness comes in waves for me. I sobbed on my flight home after saying goodbye to her and the flight attendants comforted me while my seat neighbors tried to politely ignore me while also figuring out what the hell was going on. I cried at Starbucks the day she passed. I cried while writing this post. I cried while watching Stranger Things and feeling the grief of the characters in the show. I let myself cry whenever I need to.
The most difficult part for me is the deep, deep fatigue. The past few weeks have been filled with travel, changing plans, last minute emergencies, the emotions of others, and of course, my own grief. I am fortunate to have been able to take time off of work to rest, and my family and friends have been wonderfully supportive. My boyfriend has been by my side and makes everything easier. However, I’ve still been exhausted. My schedule has been all over the place, I’ve been in three different time zones, and the emotional load of everyone around me has made me so tired. I’ve been getting lots of sleep and taking naps (which I never do) and I am still just so tired.
As highly sensitive people, we feel things deeply. We also feel what other people around us are feeling. We also burn out faster than people who are not highly sensitive. All of these things combine into a cocktail of emotional and sensory overload.
To deal with grief as a highly sensitive person, it is imperative that you:
1. Rest - like actually, genuinely rest. Not the fake kind where you still burn energy thinking and feeling.
2. Give yourself space and compassion to process everything.
3. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.
For me, that looks like getting as much sleep as possible, taking stress-supporting herbs, making sure to breathe and reset my nervous system, and release my emotions as often as needed. Journaling is one of the best ways for me to release all the thoughts and emotions circling around.
It’s okay if you need to take a break from those around you. If you haven’t learned how to protect your space and not absorb the emotions and energy of others, you may be extra exhausted and overwhelmed. Time away can help, and you deserve to take the space you need.
Grief is a funny thing, in that it can hit you at the strangest times. Allow yourself space and compassion to feel whatever comes up for weeks, months, or years. Time in general does help, as does time with animals, time in nature, time spent nurturing yourself, releasing your emotions, getting professional help, and lots of rest.
Highly sensitive people aren’t weak or bad at processing things. It’s just that instead of taking a bite of an experience, we eat the whole cake. It takes longer to digest, and requires more work on our end. We can do it though, and find meaning and peace and love in our experiences.
My heart goes out to anyone dealing with grief, whether that’s the loss of someone you love, a pet, things going on in our world right now, or anything else. Grief comes in many forms, and I honor them all.
